Dear Dad: Letters From Same Gender Loving Sons (Documentary)

This documentary, made by Chase Simmons, brings together eight black gay men from Atlanta who open up about their relationships with their fathers and eventually read letters they've written to them. In the director's own words, he talked about growing up unable to find any media that reflected who he was, and wanting to give black gay men actual faces and stories they could see themselves in and connect with. The whole project came out of watching a former friend go through intense emotional pain because of how his family reacted to finding out he was gay.

Same gender loving people are met with a variety of challenges. Same gender loving black men are met with a particularly unique set of social and systematic challenges that impact how we experience life. Arguably a central figure in a young mans rearing is his father, especially young men of color. Add not being heterosexual to the equation and a lot of these young men lose a connection with their father early on and are pushed into manhood feeling unloved, alone or literally fatherless. On the other hand there are fathers out there that fully support and embrace their same gender loving sons. Both stories offer something substantial to share with audiences. This film is for the hundreds of thousands of young gay men who are afraid to broach their sexuality to their fathers and families, those who sit silently at the dinner table, those who chose to take their own lives as opposed to deciding to live theirs authentically. Rather than jumping straight into letters, the film actually starts with these eight men being interviewed about their journeys, how they came to terms with their identity, how they shared it with their community, whether they had a formal coming out moment with their dad, and whether topics like safe sex ever came up between them. After that, each of them is asked to sit down and write a letter to their father, and a separate portion of the documentary shows them actually reading those letters aloud. So structurally the whole thing plays out almost like two halves, first we get introduced to each guy and their background along with their thoughts on writing the letter, then the second part is them reading what they wrote.

What this project is really trying to do is hand black gay men a platform to share their stories, stories that are personal but also carry something universal, about how their bond with their father shaped who they became as men. At its core, the goal is helping these men, and others like them, hold onto whatever gave them hope while also working through whatever caused them pain. I think it's a genuinely compelling concept. Gay men in general tend to struggle a lot with that coming out conversation specifically with their fathers, but once it happens, it plays a huge role in shaping them going forward. For a black gay man specifically, actually building a real relationship with your dad can be especially tough. Once your sexuality becomes something acknowledged out loud, there's often an instant sense of distance that creeps in, and that gap tends to widen more over time if nothing's done about it, so it takes real effort to keep those relationships intact and healthy. The director's hope seems to be that the wider black community can benefit from seeing real gay black men shown authentically, just being themselves and sharing openly. The idea is that people watching might start to see how much healing can come from simply speaking things out loud and sharing your story, and maybe even feel encouraged to write down their own feelings, work through their own experiences, and choose healing for themselves too. Some of these stories hit home for me personally, while a few others didn't land as much. Overall it feels like one of those very specific, localized documentaries that might deeply resonate with certain viewers while missing others entirely. (4/10)