Is this technically a gay show? Even after getting through the whole thing, that's still kind of tricky to answer. There's never any physical intimacy shown between the two leads, not even a single kiss. What it gives you instead is something that goes way deeper than that. It traces an emotional bond that spans a full decade between two guys who are both dealing with their own baggage, and what they share basically amounts to being soulmates. The story moves across Japan, South Korea, and Berlin. Honestly, whether people want to call what they have a romantic relationship or not doesn't really matter to me. A relationship doesn't need a label like boyfriends attached to it to actually mean something. And closeness doesn't need to be physical to feel genuine. What this show captures is something quieter but way more powerful, a bond rooted in understanding, respect, and just showing up for each other. Across eight episodes, each running 35 to 45 minutes, this is one...
Show starts with us meeting Byron, a 15-year old effeminate teenage boy. He lives with his macho scruffy father, who, as you can imagine, is always on his case and stuck between the separated parents. His mother is only capable of offering conditional love. In such times it's only the grandmother who offers full love to Byron. So, Byron looks for validation and a thin veneer of power by taking on sex work with much older male clients. He meets 19 year old Max who finds him clients but nah the same time the two also become a couple. But when dad finds out, he threatens Max who suddenly disappears from Byron's life. Trying to make sense of everything, he escapes to Nottingham and its vibrant nightlife, discovering a world of booze and drugs, and a group who call themselves The Fallen Divas. With the group he becomes close friends with Die, while an intense rivalry brews between Byron and the beautiful, sharp-tongued Sasha. But beyond the hardcore party lifestyle, the dark underbelly of an exploitative sex work industry lures Byron in. And when Byron is seduced by bad-boy Liam, things will not remain same with Byron. This is also the time, Byron learns about what transsexual means, and he stars to relate more to that thanks to the friendship of people like Sash and Die. Bad boy Liam gets Byron involved in a. Horrible click bait and robbery of a male client which leads Byron to spend many months in the jail. Realizing how he is letting his life go away, he keeps his head down and focuses on studies because Byron really wants to get out of the small town. When he comes out, his councillor tries her best to get Byron to university. This is the time Byron is fully comfortable in his trans identity and dresses as a girl. While the grandmother continues to shower love and support, his mother and father are not the same. Eventually Byron gets into a university in Brighton and the series ends with a hope of a very positive future.
The series may cover serious and often distressing themes, but it does so in an honest, open and frank way. Byron experiences a significant amount of danger and harm, including being groomed and exploited by older men, but Byron never comes across as a victim. His personality doesn’t allow it. Byron is vibrant, arrogant and extremely witty – even in the face of self-destruction. Growing up in working class, and lack of money, it is easy to relate to why Byron, a young boy struggling with sexuality would want to earn money by putting himself into risky situations multiple times over and over in hope for both thrill and money. But he evolves quickly from vulnerable youth to the perpetrator of cruelty and selfishness. The rivalry with Sasha, too, paints them both in a bad light. Once Byron starts regularly dressing in women’s clothes, sex takes on a new meaning. Risky, borderline violent encounters aren’t self-destructive – they’re self-affirmative, an opportunity to achieve something crucial: “pride that he actually thinks I’m a girl,” as Lady Die puts it. And then we have a full episode focused on Byron's jail time, which I guess is more of. Reflection on the writer's part from her true story. The series oscillates between hallucinogenic club sequences, unsqueamish sex scenes, tender family drama, bawdy comedy and unsentimental glimpses of prison life. Whilst the show was deep, it had endless camp and funny moments. From the characters to the dialogue to the costume choices, it was thoroughly entertaining. Although, for me I found it hard. To binge watch. Even in just one episode, so much would happen, that I would need a break to absorb things. It took me a while to finish it, but in a good way. The series totally relies on the shoulders of the actor Byron and oh my god! what a fantastic, dynamic and brilliant performance. He completely steals the show. There were many times, I had to wonder if the actor was real life trans person, but turns out no. He is a queer cis man. Every other actor in the show is just great. From Byron's lovers like charming Max, or batboy but hot Liam, to Die and Sasha, to Byron's parents and the very warm grandma. The settings are often bleak, rundown, almost depressing, yet pulsing with life. The glamour exists only in their heads, their hearts, and the chemical-fueled escapes from reality. The director and creative team captured every nuance.
What It Feels Like For A Girl is a beautiful and complicated journey of love, friendship, self-discovery and self-destruction. It’s a story that fully embodies what it means to lose yourself in order to find yourself again. Gritty but camp. Thoughtful yet inspiring. Messy but pacy. It’s everything you want in a queer series. (8.5/10)
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