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Stop! That! Train!

By Golu
Coming out of the same studio that gave us RuPaul's Drag Race, and stacked with a whole crew of former contestants, Stop! That! Train! plays like RuPaul basically taking a bow for the entire franchise she's built. It's not really a gay film in the traditional sense, but with so many drag stars from Ru's shows popping up alongside a few cameos from well known out gay actors, I figured it earns a spot on this blog anyway. The whole thing is completely over the top, packed with GenZ slang, loud flashy visuals, and humor that's constantly winking at you knowing how ridiculous it is. Going in you'd assume it's meant to be a laugh riot, and a lot of critics online seem to be eating it up, but I just couldn't get into it at all. I've never really been someone who vibes with campy silly stuff like this, so honestly my reaction doesn't surprise me one bit. The setup follows Tess and DeeDee, two low level stewardesses who sneak onto the fancy Glamazonian E...
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The Getaway

By Golu

This movie was honestly just terrible. It’s been a long time since I’ve laughed this hard at a flick for all the wrong reasons, and I knew within the first ten minutes that things were going to be a total mess. Once you move past how awful it is, you can actually have a great time just wondering how this ever got made. It makes you wonder if anyone involved even bothered to watch the final version after they finished shooting.

The plot is about as basic as it gets. A group of Black gay couples all get invited to a resort for a weekend trip where everything is paid for, but they all think the invite came from someone different. Since a few of these guys have some messy history with each other, the tension is pretty high as soon as they arrive. Nobody actually knows who is picking up the tab or who started the whole thing—A thinks B invited them, B thinks it was C, and it just keeps going like that. Pretty soon, a slasher starts picking them off one by one. The killer’s identity eventually comes out, and the murders just keep happening until the very end when only two of the guys manage to get away.

The first thing that hits you is how completely broken the audio is. I’m not sure if they just recorded everything live on set without checking it, but the sound is so distorted that it’s actually hard to hear what the actors are saying. The way the murders are handled is just as bad; the "kills" look so childish and fake that it feels more like you're watching a middle school play than a horror movie. None of the characters even try to fight back against the slasher; they just sort of run around in circles like they’re waiting for their turn to die. There are also two sex scenes thrown in that feel like they only exist to check a box. The acting is super amateur and just plain bad across the board. This is exactly the kind of movie you should put on when you’re hanging out with friends and just want to roast something together. It’s a perfect example of how unintentionally funny a movie can be when everything goes wrong.

It’s an absolute disaster of a slasher film that fails at every technical level, from the sound to the acting. (0/10)

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